A Blog Post. From JAYne.
My name is JAYne. I’m a moose. A female moose. And while I have no access to a scale (I used to have one and it really dictated my moods which clearly wasn’t healthy), I know I’m big. I’ve been hanging around Jay Peak lately, mostly because lots of folks are paying attention to me. Actually that’s not it, I do enjoy the attention but, and here’s my subconscious talking again, what I really enjoy is the food. Sure, what I’m mostly getting is apples, the odd banana and lettuce, but a few folks have been giving me hot dogs which I really enjoy. I don’t really give a shit about the fillers either to be honest. What concerns me is that when people get close and start snapping pictures and offering snacks, I can get a little excited. And when I get excited, well, sometimes I’ll just haul off and trample someone to death. And then eat their snacks.
This weekend, some idiot hit me in the ass with a ski pole. He said he wanted to get a good head shot of me. I sort of let that one go, but I’m hoping to run into him again. And again. And possibly again. I’m thinking of moving on soon but as long as people keep feeding me, I’m likely to stick close. And the closer they get, the more likely they are to spook me and get stomped. Think I’m slow? Well, it’s relatable to my weight and I really don’t appreciate the crack. Still, if I catch you, well, let’s just say it’s going to end poorly for you.
Best thing to do? Appreciate me from afar and keep your snacks to yourself. I can’t even believe I just said that.
Hey JAYne, I saw some idiot throw a snowball at you last weekend so he could get a better look and I was hoping karma would smite him on the spot. I apologize for my fellow humans, but not all are as two-legged creatures are as educated about nature as they ought to be. I have been concerned that you might be lonely, seems you’re always solo and I hope that come Spring you find that special somemoose. In the meantime, don’t go after even the stupidest among us, as sadly, you would be the one to pay the ultimate price for the insensitivity of those who would turn you into a mascot rather than simply enjoy your presence. Best to you always, JAYne.
TRAMPLE THEM THEN THEY WILL LEARN
Dear JAYne,
I think I’m in love. My family and I had the pleasure of your company for two days as you browsed right outside of our condo.
I felt like Dian Fossey in Rwanda when she met her beloved mountain gorillas. You are, without a doubt, THE most magnificent creature I have ever had the privilege of meeting up close and personal in the wild. (Although I believe I did keep a respectful distance.) Some of my fellow humans embarrass me with their attitudes and treatment of the natural world. As for my family and I, we are more than happy to share this beautiful mountain with you, dear JAYne. We hope that others will appreciate and love you too or at least respect you. Thank you for coming to spend this winter with us. It has been a magical experience. Please don’t eat too many hot dogs…..after all, you are a vegetarian!!!